The horror

I've always had a fascination with warning labels - especially on toys and machinery. Why? Because they have to try and convey the full extent of what can happen to you yet still not frighten you from buying or using the product. But because like most rules or warnings, they are not preemptive... that's right: That means that if there is a specific warning against something on a product, that probably means that someone, somewhere, did something that the producer now labels that item, and similar items, in the hopes of avoiding future law suits.

Think about that the next time you see an "external use only" label on a untensil.

However, I don't mean to be completely morbid - another reason I enjoy graphic warning labels is because they are so completely absurd. Again, they have to communicate danger to people of any language, so they are utterly simple, so utterly horrifying... yet, more often than not, the "victims" in the images look so much like the "male" symbol on the bathroom door that it looks a little to me as though he got bored, left his post, and paid for his mistake with his life.
Or at least a limb.

Still, while images appeal to me because of the idea of a "universal langue" which should very easily explain why not to use a particular item a particular way, I find that disclaimers, especially for medication, are also often disturbing in their own special way - that's why I've included them in this.

I would also like to mention that I'm not including the "silly" warnings - for instance, "do not feed to fish" (found on a certain brand of dog shampoo) - but warnings which I have seen for myself and caught my attention in some special way.

In any case, enjoy my top 10 favorites.

10: Choking Hazard

This is self explanetory. I do, however, want to point out, that this was NOT always present on toys with small parts! While the dangers of giving small children hard candies, nuts, rocks, keys - anything which could easily be ingested and cause asphyxication - have almost always been left up to common sense for parents to decide what is and is not safe for their children to come in contact with, this still means that at some point, a child died because they were given a toy with small, possible detachable or already seperate pieces which they swallowed because someone wasn't thinking. A simple warning, yes, and usually very subtle, but the message is chilling nonetheless.

#9: Caution: wet floor

Ah, the lawsuits that must have caused this ever familiar sign's existence. The cracked skulls. The broken hips. The bruised dignities. I simply love this warning because it does not appear to me as though the stick-victim is falling: no, he is about to throw down and impress the stick-ladies with his mad break-dancing skills. Bravo, stick-man, bravo.

#8: Toddler drowning

Again, wanderer, the presence of this warning on buckets, large containers and other plastic bins indicates that it has happened at some point or another. This is only #8 because neither is it all that comedic or graphic: it is, however, still disturbing. It is very clear what is happening - a child is climbing or falling into a fluid filled container in which they will presumably drown. Yet, the "no" slash is what draws my attention - who in the world would make the mistake, without the slash, that the picture indicates that a child should be allowed to play in the container, with or without fluids? This suggests to me that somewhere, there is such a parent: woe to their offspring.

#7: May Crush a Limb

This makes #7 because of it's oddly graphic, yet non-graphic approach to warning potential users. A bit like a cartoon character being run over by a steam roller, your limb will apparently become flat but otherwise be fine - still, the idea is painful. An oddly graceful approach to a warning users of common machinery-related injury and that they should be aware of it.

#6: Explosive force

Oh my! Explosives. The verbal equivalent doesn't come anywhere near it: "do not store near heat." I definitely favor the visuals on this one because in no way do those 5 words express the "impact" of what may happen should a compressed gas container be exposed to high temperatures or be punctured while a person is near.

#5: Danger Corrosive Chemical

This one always makes my hands tingle a little. Be it battery acid, polish, a dissolvent or other, the idea of a liquid chemical burning sizzling holes into your flesh - anywhere, really - is just plain horrifying. Yet, the hand shown just seems to be... sitting there. It makes me imagine someone pouring corrosives on a severed hand, or the hand of a dead body or - horror! - a living but catatonic person. How gruesome.
(As a side note, what in the world is that black bar supposed to be? We're torturing chocolate as well? Or are we protesting censorship?)

#4: Risk of Amputation

Point blank: this machine will cut off any limb in the way of it's moving parts like shears through a hunk of meat. While much more graphic than the usually accepted stick-victim, who in the world drew this? A 6 year old? This is, by the way, a real label found on a crane at a local construction lot.

#3: May Cremate You

Cremate: that is, reduce to ashes. Keep in mind, again, that warnings this specific suggest that somewhere, this actually happened to someone. The machine I found this on specified that, if you were to touch the device while it was in contact with a bare power cable or the like that this would be the result, but the only other labels on the machine were the usual warning against being in its way while it moved, or being in the way or moving parts. It is, in that way, awkward and out of place - making it seem even more so that this may have actually happened. Just imagine! (note: the label pictured is incorrect, will be corrected as soon as possible)

#2: May cause Suicide in teens

I understand that teenagers are flooded with chemicals that cause reactions to hormonal treatments that vary from those of most adults past puberty. However, this makes it all the way to #2 for these reasons:

-We are living in a world where so called "anti-depressants" with these effects are still allowed to be given to teens. If there was a children's cough syrup with a warning saying that it may cause violent diarrhea and vomiting, would you still give it to the child?

-The announcer who says this in the commercial sounds just so darn cheery-yet-concerned that it's hilarious - the tone of voice is just so "teens may kill themselves and that's sad, but if this medicine works for you, that'd be great!"

And, my all time favorite:

#1: CONTACT CAN CAUSE DEATH

There is no room for doubt. If you get caught in the moving parts of this machine, you will die. Simple as that. I have seen this on industrial meat grinders, giant blades for certain types of fans, and several chemicals - but this specific label was found on the shield to the blade-tiller on a large tractor. I'm not only curious as to whether or not the human body can actually distort like that without ripping to shreds, but also who this first happened to for the makers to be so sure. Why is it #1? Simply for the shear comedically gruesome nature of the image. Bathroom-logo stick-man down on the farm, got caught in a tiller and died.

My sincere condolences to bathrom-logo stick-woman.

Greetings.

Hello, wanderer

Welcome to the dreamless state. This is what some would call my “hello world!” post - space filler so that my brand-new blog doesn’t look empty and unkempt.

Still, I am brand-new to the blogging game (could it really be called a game? What are the prizes, then? And how does one win?) so excuse me if I ramble a bit. I promise that future posts will have a little more substance - substance being defined as, at the very least, a slightly more entertaining way of killing time.

A little about me - I am female. I will not be posting my age or location, because I am a paranoid female - thus the blog’s title (well, that and I am a Stephen King fan, so hats off to my favorite author). I will also not be posting images of my face. I do this because, fair reader, unlike any other public forum - a shopping center, the street, the coffee shop where a man with dark hair watches me carefully - if you were to look at my face or hear my voice, I might have the chance to do the same, and easily know you were seeing me. In a situation like this, there is very little probability that I’ll ever see your face or know you’ve seen mine. I know, I know - it’s an irrational fear. Countless people see my face every day, and I’ll never know who they are, where they go, or what they do with their waking hours. Yet - there is an appeal to the anonymity of the blog, which I’m sure you understand.

In addition to owner-ship of working ovaries, I thoroughly enjoy dreaming. I’m not one of those new-age types who believes in astral-projection or the like, but I have had some amazing experiences concerning REM sleep. I have found myself lucky enough to have vivid dreams nearly every night, and in most dreams, control of my actions and even the environment around me. So, be forewarned, upcoming posts may be focused completely on odd dreams that I’d like to record or dream related studies I may find online - I have a great love of dreams and dreaming in general.

The last thing I will say here is that I’m very fond of all sorts of art - musical, digital, physical - myself, I love sketching, painting, ect: I also dabble in digital art. In addittion, I enjoy creating puppets and recently became interested in small scale sculpture and jointed-doll making (photos hopefully to come soon). So, excuse me if some of my posts become cluttered with images of what I may be working on, or something that I have seen recently.
All in all, I’d just like to thank you for taking the time to read this n008’5 post, and hope you’ll return again some time soon to pass the waking hours.


As an added goodie, here is a short-film adaptation of one of my favorite poems - by Mr. King - Paranoid: A chant.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pMwSqqc9Ws