A Paranoid Chant: A Salute to Sesame Street

(This post is nearly two years old now if not older, but I just found it in my drafts so I'm posting it. Enjoy.)

Munching instant noodles, gulping Aloe Drink and watching basic cable this morning, I had an extremely morbid thought concerning the residents of Sesame St. (And by the way, when did Conan O'brian start doing bits on Sesame St. ...? Truly frightening.).

Even as a kid, I only watched the show sparingly. Something about a vampire that counted things freaked me right-the-hell-out - by the time I was 4 I'd already seen enough horror flicks (yes I was watching scary movies at 4 years of age) to know what vampires did. I didn't want one counting at me and then laughing.

However much certain characters have evolved - Elmo has his own segment sort of like when Joey from Friends moved on, Cookie Monster kicked the habit of his "sometimes foods" (cookies gave him type 2 diabetes - I'm not joking, look it up.) and has picked up the healthier "anytime foods" (veggies and fruits), Bert and Ernie are nearly out of the closet about their relationship - they've all remained more or less the same.

I watched with mixed feelings as two characters I'd been familiar with since childhood – baby bear and telly monster - took nearly a full minute to read a 6-word book title - "The wild adventures of Action Dog."

Let's take a moment for that completely harmless scene to sink in.

Now, I know, I know - this is a children's show. There are pop culture references and spoofs of adult programs in order to encourage older family members to watch the show with children instead of turning Sesame Street into a "TV babysitter," and I know that doesn't neccissarily mean that the show has to make sense or be realistic in any way.

But while characters seems to come and go - the episode I sat through this morning, Big Bird was no where to be seen, but there was a new "child" fairy character, and "Baby Bear" (around for at least a decade, what's going on there) both made major appearances. The point of all this rambling: Live action characters on the show grow old, move on, and leave the show. The puppets, being puppets, don't. But if they are presented as real, living characters to the children watching the show, why is it that they never get older (though they can have children) and evolve like the human characters do? God forbid a puppet die (though maybe one did and I've missed this, I'd appreciate any messages on the subject) and teach children about that life event (though there's an HIV/AIDs character in Africa!).

The simple act of reading that title - done by a supposedly 'adult' monster, depicted as an adult since I was a kid - frightened me. They never change! They never develope! What the hell happened to the citizens of Sesame Street?! Were they labotomized?! Or is it that they are part of some horrible government expiriment and the "live" people are there to monitor them...? Maybe it's all part of some psych ward inhabitant’s hallucination! You never know! With the bright colors, music and sometimes nonsense logic followed by a volley of spelling and numbers, the show is sort of reminiscent of a bad trip - think about it. It's a lot more entertaining when you view it that way.

In any case, my salute to Sesame Street - here for your viewing pleasure, other people's parodies of Sesame Street. Yes, I am that lazy.

In order of how funny I think they are.

Dave Chappelle's take on Sesame Street.